So a little recap of my travels… I was in Belgium for 5 days and now I’m in spain for a couple days. Don’t worry I’ll be in Belgium again for 2 months before I go back to Cape Town. I must say that this time going home felt different than the times before… For the first time I feel that I can actually put my roots down in Belgium again… It’s a nice feeling to have because after all Belgium is where I was born and raised. And where my family lives. The bond with my family has grown so strongly and I am very grateful for that!
Today I had some time to reflect on the past few months and I've seen a lot of change in myself. I can see that I put myself first in certain situations. I can see that I've grown within myself again and that is very nice to see. I'm expanding my business now. I live by myself in Cape Town with no financial support of others. I have my own routine to work, clean, cook, ... Seeing how I was 2,5 years ago and now. Waw what a change! Being in Recovery has given my life back. A new way of life. A life where I can love myself.
I saw one of my best friends last weekend and I just had so much fun with her! It was like old times but better! She has gone through a rough time and surprising enough I can actually be here for her now. As before I was always thinking about using and didn't care what happend to others. It was only me myself and I. And I don't want to go back there! I've actually missed her a lot! More than I was conscious about. She is a true warrior and beautiful person! I mean she is just amazing in every way! I'm also aware that no one is perfect and that everyone has it flaws and all. She is just shining at the moment and even with all the stuff she has been through, it is just amazing of her!
So at the moment I just feel calm and ready to explore more things in life. See what life brings me in the future. Maybe there will also be some love? Who knows! But now I am giving myself that love! And that is enough! I just had to drive a friend home and on the way back I was thinking about some stuff (had nothing to do with this friend) and I kind felt sad... I had told this friend some stuff I dealt with the last month and I don't know on the way back when I was listening to my music and reflecting on that situation, I felt sad... Don't really know why or how but yeah the sadness came. And along with that my insecurities about the future came and just wondering if I was doing to the right thing. I don't want to fuck (excuse my language) thing up in certain situations I am dealing with at the moment which are positive situations!! But somewhere in my head I keep thinking that something is going to go wrong. And I hope I'm wrong about the wrong feeling but you never know! I also just clicked that I am now speaking against what I wrote earlier... Sorry! I still feel very positive and excited about the future! Just feel a bit scared of making mistakes or not doing what is right. We will see what happens!
I'm thinking to myself now that there is so much more I can write but this post will be to long! And I'm thinking if I actually should write it or keep it to myself for now until I have a clearer view about what is happening and how I feel about it. So I'm going to keep it for my next post! #sorry
I hope you did enjoy this post and I will try to write a little bit more! Remember that you are an amazing human being! Rock your day! Be safe and love yourself!