846 Days

Hello everyone! It has been a while since I wrote another post so I’m very sorry!! Since my last post I moved back to Cape Town and I have been settling in again very nicely 🤩 Seeing my friends again has been a true blessing for me. I laugh again, I have fun again, I feel calm again, I take care of me again. I don’t feel the need to eat the whole time or act out on something. Not that I will never act out on anything because my addict will always be in me. I just love the fact that I don’t wake up with a tension headache everyday. I feel calm and serene. But this is not really what I wanted to talk about today. So yesterday when I was doing my stepwork there was a question that I needed to answer and I got a flashback to 20 years ago. And this flashback actually explains a lot of unsolved mysteries of why I am the way I am or how I deal with certain situations. This is not the solution to all my problems or anything but this flashback gives me the ability to do some deeper work on myself. The flashback was: so when I was 4 or 5 years old my best friend died of cancer and I never really processed that properly. And with this flashback I got a lot of emotion attached to it. A lot of other events that happend in my childhood. So I am grateful for this flashback. Working trough these events will be hard but it is worth it. I want to keep working on myself. I want to know who I am on a deeper level. I want to know why it’s so hard to let people go or why I hold on to them so much. But most important I want to stay clean and sober. I’m not really sure why I wanted to share this but I just started typing. I hope everyone is having a wonderful week with lot of love and joy!

XOXO

Lots of love

M_In_Recovery