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751 Days

Hello everyone, it's been some time that I wrote a new post... So I need to be honest with all of you... I have been having a rough time lately... I'm embarrassed about my weight, I don't know how to make myself happy at this moment... And the thing is that I'm doing great! I'm doing everything that I love and appreciate! But I'm kind of in the Lockdown space where nothing seems to end... And where I'm feeling lonely, lost, ... And I'm sure I'm not the only one! That's okay not to be okay but it still sucks sometimes to feel like this... Today I got super annoyed by my brother and I lashed out to him which wasn't my intention but still happend... it's like my emotions are different every minut of the day... I feel like I'm going to whine this entire post but maybe that's what I need for now... All I see lately are couples and people are making future plans together and (I know this is not according to lockdown but it still happens) couples get invited for trips and dinners etc... And seeing all of this as a single person who is not in a relationship can at times be difficult ... I also want to be able to make plans or to have someone be there for me no matter what, maybe I live in a fantasy world and I need to see reality... I don't know! This feeling is just making me irritated, I'm fine being by myself but sometimes it is lonely... I do love my family very very very much!! That's not what I mean by being lonely, it's just... I don't have a lot of friends cause I can understand that it's not fun to be around someone who isn't drinking or I don't know what the reason is but I start to doubt myself a lot when I think about this... I also know it's corona time and it's not ideal to keep in touch or I don't know how to say it cause now I feel like I am offending someone which is again not my intention!! I just feel very insecure at the moment and very sad. The most wonderful thing about this all is that I'm not craving any substances!! 2 years ago I would've used substances to numb everything... Now I'm just thinking of how I can process and change these feelings but I don't think I can do this alone anymore, I think I need help with all of this... I'm not sure how I need help but I just know I do.

I feel like that there are more people who feel this way and I just want to say to you: It's okay to not be okay, you're not alone and you will get through this! It will just need time, everything will be okay in the end and that is what I'm still so convinced of! That's what is getting my through the day, knowing that everything will be okay! Sometimes we need to go through these dark times to appreciate the light again, and learn from it! Life is a journey, there is no guide or book on how to live your life. Nobody is perfect, but I do believe everyone is special in there own way!

Love your body, life, mind because you only have one.

Lot's of love


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