Christmas vibes - We are the night before Christmas... I had a wonderful day, I got to see my brother from another mother who is visiting his family for Christmas! I was very blessed to see him!
When he left I started thinking about how fast this year went, how slow this year went, what happend in the world but also how I changed... I personally don't have an issue with lockdown at the moment... If I would've still be using then I would've died... But now knowing how much I changed from being an Alcoholic to a Recovering Addict is just my biggest accomplishment ever. Not craving alcohol, not craving drugs, but just being okay with the here and now. Having a life where I remember everything, where I have fun, where I am clean, where I get to do the thing I like, knowing what I am capable off is just amazing. It's a feeling that is hard to describe but I do wish it on everyone!!
The only thing that has been on my mind the past few weeks and is actually a recurring theme that keeps happening every year (the past 5 years) is the fact that I'm never invited for New Years anywhere... Unless I organise it myself... (Please, I'm not saying this to pity myself or that people have to invite me now! I don't blame anyone!) 3 years I can understand, but the past 2 years is a bit difficult to understand sometimes... Now this year it's very hard for everyone to celebrate NYE so that's why I want to take the initiative to create a Zoom-meeting for everyone who is alone on NYE! Then we can spend NYE together but apart!
If you are keen to join me then please send me a message!
This year actually got this sad that I got uninvited to a NYE party... Where I don't blame anybody for because it's Corona-time!!! But it's just not nice to read such a message... People also don't know how I would feel and what has happend the last few years... So NYE is a very difficult time for me and I am sure for many more! The topic friends will always be a difficult subject for me... I do feel I'm not enough to have friends sometimes, that I screwed up to many friendships when I was using but that is not something I'm gonna get into now. That is for a next post!
I am just very grateful and happy that I get to spend Christmas with my parents this year! And like I said in my previous post, Let's go in Christmas overdrive this year! We all deserve to have some warmth, love, hope, joy, hugs, positivity, gratitude , faith, ... Merry Christmas everyone!