709 Days

Hello everyone, It's nearly the end of the year... A lot has happend this year... Well a lot of our freedom has been stolen by Covid-19, a lot of plans were cancelled, a lot of people got sick, a lot of people died, a lot of people got depressed, and so on ...

At least Covid-19 has also done positive things, it brought people together, It got people thinking, speaking out, find happiness inside, be more grateful for what we have, and so on...

What has 2020 done for me? Or what did I make of 2020...

I started 2020 in my bed sleeping... I made a plan to go back to Cape Town which I followed and got back on the 16th of January.

I lived an anxious 3-4 months there because for the first time I was living by myself, had to take care of myself, was out of treatment and it was the next chapter in my journey where I learned a lot of other people but especially about myself. I got to know new people. I learned how to enjoy the time being by myself. I learned how to set boundaries. But the most important one, I stayed clean!

My plan was to stay in Cape Town until January 2021 but Covid-19 made a few changes in that plan... In April I moved back to Belgium. I must say that I had a hard time adjusting to Belgium again.

Being back in Belgium has shown me a lot of things... good and bad. But there is one thing that keeps messing with my head and that is the feeling that Belgium is not where my story should end... I still lost my heart in Cape Town... But there are a lot of factors why I am staying in Belgium for now, One being: My Family!! That I thought I had lost forever...

I just have been having a hard time finding where I belong for a long time now, and I keep convincing myself that this is where I should be but every time I do, I start crying...

My head is a bit of a mess right now, a lot of frustration so at this point: 'I honestly don't know'

I miss Gigi a lot (a dog), I could do anything with her by my side. The thing is... I keep trying and trying and trying but I don't feel that I am doing good enough for me... It's low self confidence I know... I don't know what I need to do for myself to make myself happy, I accept everything about me and I don't want to change a thing!!

I will see what 2021 brings for me! I am keeping the positive vibes, I will keep trying, I will continuing to love myself!!

Lot's of love

M_In_Recovery