575 Days

Updated: Aug 31, 2020

I have realised lately that I have lost motivation in certain things. I am assuming it has to do with covid-19, not finding a job, rejection, wanting to create something but not realising it,... I try a lot of different things that I want to make come true but for some kind of reason I get stuck. Am I finding excuses? Probably. My motivation is a little bit depressed. Even writing this feels like it is going to be a blur of stuff that doesn't make any sense. And English writing mistakes...

With Covid-19 it is hard to start something I want to accomplish. I am very scared of failure, of relapsing, of just not succeeding in what I want to do. Do I need to ask for help? Yes I do, why don't I? I am too scared. What is my dream? To have a running clothing store/online website that supports people who want help but can't afford it. Also I would very much want to help these people personally. Put a donation box for clothes outside of the store to then send to people who need it. How do I start with all of this? I have absolutely no clue I assume because every time I try, I fail...

Finding a job is not easy, all the emails and applications I have send out, I have not received answers from them which I find sad. It makes me feel rejected. Talking about rejection, this is not something I deal with easily... In all different aspects: Career, Relationship, Friendship, ... But I do know that this is life and how the world works. This is going to happen in the future again. I just need to find a way to deal with it. I know I am a beautiful, smart, intelligent, sweet, loving, good enough person. And I deserve happiness. Everybody does! Everyone is worthy of themselves and if something or someone get rejected then it is the others sides loss and not yours.

Life is not easy. Letting go of certain things or people is not easy and still I have to do it. Every day a person on this planet is doing it. I am not alone! Do I have a hard time this week to let my feelings out? Yes, but I will still try. Will it be perfect? No, it's Progress and not Perfection!


Lots of Love

M_In_Recovery




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