527 Days

I am exploring my creativity again. I am painting furniture, bikes,... I want to redesign my dressing and make it cosy. It's so much fun to be busy and exploring my creativity again. My head is going to places where I have never been before and I like it very much. I have so many new ideas for the future and what I wanna do. I just keep having one question in my head that I can't seem to answer because it's not an easy one. That question is: Where should I live?

If I can solve that one then a million opportunities are there for me but again I wanna do things perfect so I wanna live in the perfect space. But I really need to let go of my standards and accept what I can get. Speaking of acceptance. I also need to accept the fact that the only person I can count on is myself. Making plans with others doesn't work. Cause if the other one changes her/his mind then I can't move forward with my direction I want to go in. I need to stop caring too much for others and start focussing on what's good for me and what do I want. If someone wants to be part of my direction, they will. I just have to trust my higher power and do the next right thing for me. I never expected I would live like this or that feeling alone would be so lonely. I'm okay just being with myself. But the feeling of being left out or that I have to go is painful and I know I don't have to take it personal. But it's hard. I never expected that I would be living my life this wonderful way and wanting to do something with my life. I am grateful towards my family and friends. I look forward to starting my life. I'm just afraid to do it alone and remaining alone or seeking the wrong kind of things again. I guess I have fears and dreams and this will always remain in my life and I need to find a balance in it. And I will, again I need to trust my higher power. Finding my balance again will be hard but I will get there one way or the other.

This post may seem like a blur but this is what goes on in my head :)

Lots of love

M_In_Recovery