1342 Days
Hi everyone! There is yet another sleepless night where my head is overthinking … bluhhh so my solution to it is to write about it.
First of all (for those who read my previous post) Waregem Koerse was amazing! I had so much fun and it was also the perfect time to distract my head from overthinking to much. It was nice to see how everyone was having fun! I also danced my ass off actually and didn’t care if anyone was watching. The horserace was also again very nice to watch. If I could, I would watch it for hours! But I wouldn’t do it to the horses! :)
How have I been? It’s been up and down. I do feel more positive then before but the haertbreak still hurts. I still cry a lot and I just don’t really understand what happend. I started questioning myself over the past year and what I did wrong. I’m not perfect and make mistakes but I do know that I was patient, caring and loving towards this person. And the most annoying thing is that I still care a lot about this person. The thing that hurt me the most was this person saying that he never had any feelings for me at all over the past year. Than I just started questioning everything and just did not feel good enough. I will heal and I know this. But then I ask this person for one last conversation of things I would like to get off my chest and he just says that enough has been said. That it’s better for me to not have contact. I just get angry because I do have a say in my own life and how I feel. Nobody has to decide this for me but me. I am very grateful towards my parents who have supported me during this time. My dad even came to my house to make me stop crying in the middle of the night. I love you!
Like it’s not all negative and I don’t want to make this a negative post at all. There is a lot of positivity!! I just have a hard time talking about the whole situation and it’s easier for me to write about it. I have some really supportive friends! And I love them for it. I hope I am as good as a friend to them. Aaaaand there is an amazing trip coming! I’m going to Marbella with 9 friends in 9 days!! I am very excited about it. It will be a lot of fun! I didn’t want to start my blog with this because I want to end on a very positive note! Its not all bad for me and I’m not alone. Better times are coming. The healing process is a beautiful process. I try to stay positive every day. And it’s actually working. I just have a lot of resentments which I have to gave a place in my head. All is good and all is well! I’m not happy but I do feel happier every day! And that is what counts for me at the moment.
This too shall pass.
Ps: if i’ve been distant to you, i’m sorry! Please don’t take it personally!
Xoxo
Lot’s of love
M_In_Recovery
