1331 Days
Hi guys! How is everyone? I hope everything is fantastic!
Here in Waregem, the biggest event of the year is starting! Woehoee! WAREGEM KOERSE! For anyone who doesn’t know this event… It’s a horse race event and Waregem just comes alive for 5 days. I used to go to this event when I was still in active and I would’t remember anything from it. That is the beauty of the last few years is that I can experience this event sober and REMEMBER! Woop woop! I live very close so I can always go home whenever I want. Which is a first time! I always could go home whenever I wanted (don’t get me wrong) but now I live here and that makes it extra special for me. Yaaay!
I’ve had a difficult few days/weeks as I wrote in my last blog. But I have been trying to stay positive and not isolate because that is the only thing I want to do right now actually but that doesn’t solve anything… But I just feel whenever I feel more positive there is something that brings me down again and to be honest, i’m just so over it. It’s not that I don’t care but I just wonder ‘why’? The one thing is that I have learned a lot. I’m still kind of processing it all so I’ll explain it probably in my next blog… I don’t know because I don’t plan my blogs or know what I’m going to write about. It’s just whatever comes into my head. I want to be positive, I really do! It’s just a bit hard at times, that’s normal. Not every moment is great or bad. And also I’m not the only one! The only thing is that people have different ways of expressing themselves. I make mistakes like everyone else, I’m not perfect. Hate to break it to you but no one is. Ever since I’ve been little, I have found my way of expressing in quotes and sayings. Especially in the English language (reason why my blogs are in English). Like if you don’t want to read my blogs? I’m not forcing you. Your choice. I mean, I don’t even read them… It’s just my way of clearing my head. Do I need to share them, no. But if I want to share them then that is my choice. I’m just trying to be open to myself and others so I don’t create an explosion in my head. That’s it. Nothing more, nothing less. This is just me…
I would like to share something but I don’t want this to come over in a wrong way. So I hope that you try to read a bit between the lines? (Hopefully) Again this is not pointed at certain people or anthing. Just in general!
Sometimes I wonder who I am to people or if they actually want to be my friend? Because if I’m so horrible then why talk about me? Why ask others how I am and not just ask me? I’ve noticed that people talk a lot about and not that much to people… I’m sure I am also guilty of doing this, not excluding myself at all! I just wonder these things sometimes. Where is this coming from? A reality show that I’ve been watching. There is a lot of that going on there and then I just wonder if this happens in our actual lives. How do people see me? How do I see them? How do I see myself? What do I want? What do I need? (Sorry if this is to deep). I don’t need any answers do these question right now now but it’s something to think about sometimes… like what is my plan of action? Because right now… I don’t fully know?! I’m trying to find out by writing about it and setting daily goals for myself. Trying to figure out the bigger goals. Life is a journey, full of chapters. You learn every day about yourself, others, the world… Like I know when I fall, I fall deep… But I will also rise again. I just need some time to process and recalculate. I mean everything’s going to be okay again, it just needs time. And support, which I have from a few people (thank you for this). I hope you didn’t take this wrongly what I just said. It’s not meant for that.
Is there anyone who is also having trouble sleeping? I haven’t properly slept in 6 weeks, I think… I’ve tried almost everything except tea. So if you have any tips, let me know!
So basically I’m okay, there are ups and downs. Not everyday is a good day but there are good days and you learn from both of them. That is the beauty of life. My motivation is lost sometimes to see the positive but that is why you have family and friends to talk about this. How beautiful?! I’m a very emotional person and others are not. That’s okay!
I wanted to write something else but my mind just went blank… wooops! Sorry! So I guess I’m going to end it here for now.
Xoxo
Lot’s of love
M_In_Recovery
