1308 Days

Hi guys… here again! I just would like to explain why I write my blog and how I feel since my last one.

I write my blog to just share my thoughts. My intention of my blog is not to create sympathy or compassion or anything… Writing is a way to express myself and to clear my head. Like I said in one of my previous blogs… I never read my own blogs… I just write whatever is going on in my head and maybe it can help people or maybe it can’t. I made a decision a few years ago to share my thinking with whoever wants to read it. I am far from perfect and I know that i’m not the only one who has problems/shit to deal with. Everyone has! And this is my way of letting go of my overthinking, obsessing, feeling guilty, being happy… whichever feelings I have. That is why I only write whenever I feel like so it doesn’t become an obligation. So I don’t want to come over as I want compassion or sympathy. Writing just helps me to get it of my chest and process. If you want to read it then that is completely up to you! I do want to thank everyone who is reading my blog 🙏🏼! Thank you!

So since my last blog, I kind of thought I was losing my journey a bit (not that I would drink) but emotionally. Since then I’ve reached out to people to talk or just help me get my mind on other things. It has helped me a lot! And thank you to the people who wanted to listen to me. I know I can me an emotional mess but you know what that’s okay. I try and focus on the positive and sometimes I can’t focus on the positive. The thing that I learned from these people is that I need to stand up more for myself. That I’m allowed to feel how I feel, that I’m allowed to make my own decisions, that I’m allowed to be me. And I think I just needed a reminder that I’m allowed. Sometimes life is a little bit less and sometimes life is a little bit more fun. That’s life unfortunately… it can’t always be fun, there needs to be a balance. When I don’t have my balance then I go into my emotional mind and I overthink and have low self-esteem. I need to be careful of that. The difference between now and when I was in full addiction is that I want to fight and not give up. I am who I am and I won’t apologise for it. Nobody does. Everyone has different morals and definitions and that’s okay. If they don’t match well then you know what to do. Someone said to me this weekend: Be around people and things that make you happy. I must say that it is spiralling in my head. Because it is true what this person said. She also said that I shouldn’t listen or care what other people say (not in a selfish way) and just keep on going. If this person would be reading this… Thank you!!

Like I said… I’m not perfect and I will never ever be but I can be open to learn and listen. Make progress but never perfection. Also letting go is not easy but it’s possible and all I can do is try and make progress. The only thing I don’t ever want to do is losing myself again. Nobody should!! The only person you spend the rest of your life with is yourself, so don’t forget yourself!

This week a close friend told me something very personal, something she is struggling with. Her sharing this with me showed me that there are more important things then my own overthinking. I don’t know if I’m explaining it right… but to see her positive thinking and actually asking to be part of the humor team of her story shows me her strength and I do feel inspired by her a lot. 🙏🏼

I could write a lot more but I feel that I’m about to fall asleep. Sorry! It will be for next time but I do know that I wrote whatever came into my head. I don’t think while writing. I just type my thinking at this moment. I just try to be myself.

Thank you for reading!

Lot’s of love

XOXO

M_In_Recovery