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1171 Days

Hi everyone! How is everybody doing? I'm good actually! I'm starting to find my routine again which is very nice! I went for some exercise again (Swimming). I would like to do some more sport because I didn't do any since August and I need that back in my life.

What I'm about to say might sound silly but it's important! Having to do laundry, cooking, cleaning,... is hard when you are working and want to keep a social life so I would like to thank my mom for doing this for me for 25 years! Thank you!! And I want to say to anyone who is doing this, WELL DONE! Cause it takes a while to find that routine of doing all of this. For me it was easy to just trow my clothes in the laundry and wait for them to be washed and ironed. For me it was easy to come home from school, work, ... and just sit and eat. I helped my mom here and there but now I know that I could've helped more. Sorry!

Okay I don't want to talk about cleaning and cooking the whole time but this is something I wanted to say because it's not said enough. So again, WELL DONE!!

This week someone told me that I was overexcited and that I can be a little much to handle. I must say that this actually hurt me when this person said this to me but it also warmed me because this person cares about me, or at least I hope so... It made me realise that I forgot about some sides of my character and also it's addicted behaviour ... I will always have my addicted behaviour that will pop up in different ways or situations that is why I am a recovering addict and not an addict in active addiction.

My addicted behaviour pops up when I feel extremely insecure and then it is sometimes hard to find my balance again. Unfortunately I will always feel insecure because I'm scared to do something wrong, hurt someone else, make drama, ... But that is also not good because I need to be a little more stronger. A little bit "Meer op u strepen staan" kind of way. I know I can do this but I'm just scared. I do feel more confident this week because I've been busy working on a more solid routine!

I also wanted to say that I'm grateful to anyone who sends me a message to go and do something or just thinks about me. I'm so used to the fact that I will never be invited somewhere or that nobody wants to hang out with me. That fact needs to disappear out of my head. So I'm grateful to everyone! Thank you!

This blog sounds a little bit all over the place and there is not really a certain theme that I used.. My head has a million ideas at the moment and it's hard to concentrate on one of them. So I do apologise for this! I still have a lot to write about but I'm going to fall asleep now... Big kisses! 💋


Lot’s of love


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